Balance the Drive with Chill: Activating Your Natural Calm

Let us talk about the Parasympathetic Paradise, our body’s Natural Healing Highway!

I recall a midafternoon chat with my colleague Dr. Stephen Porges’ office talking about the polyvagal theory that he crafted from scientific studies. It is extraordinary to hear him speak of invoking vagus nerve and thereby, the parasympathetic system that trumps the sympathetic system. At its core, this system involves the myelinated vagus nerve (a part of the parasympathetic nervous system) that connects our brain to facial muscles, middle ear, heart, and lungs. When activated through positive social engagement, it helps shift us from sympathetic “fight-or-flight” states toward parasympathetic “rest-and-digest” states. He told me back then, that feeling SAFE is critical to all human beings, not just those recovering from trauma.

I return to that thought of how to really feel safe and calm at a very pragmatic level, through our daily living. All the elements of good living, interestingly, bundle together when the parasympathetic system is kept functional. Mind you, drive through sympathetic system is dynamic. That said, we are practicing the chill, to bring a smooth balance (Disclaimer- This is not about vagus nerve stimulation, but conducive to parasympathetic nervous system activity).

Facial expressions and Voice control: When we engage in positive social interactions, our facial expressions, eye contact, and soft warm voice communicate safety to others and ourselves. Modulated and slowly delivered speech with strategic pauses signal safety. Speaking more slowly naturally helps lower volume. Take your time with words and use strategic pauses. Sometimes we speak loudly when excited, anxious, or feeling unheard. Remind yourself that speaking softly can actually command more attention as people tend to lean in and focus more carefully. Start by simply becoming more aware of how loudly you speak in different settings. Sometimes we don’t realize our volume until we consciously monitor it.

With regards to raising the tone and getting riled up in defense, let us not take the bait when provoked, even if that someone is jumping up and down, annoying you. I like the “Let them theory” by Mel Robbins of leaving people alone instead of finagling change when you cannot control anyone or anything outside of your control.

Co-regulation: Humans have a remarkable capacity to “co-regulate” with others. Being around calm and well- regulated people helps our nervous system regulate too – which is why supportive relationships are so physiologically beneficial. If one shouts in a relationship, the other one must try to use that as a bell to calm down as suggested by Thich Nhat Huynh; Sooth each other and co-regulate. This is actually central to marriage and all kinds of relationships.

Aesthetic environment to sooth the senses:

• Soft and serene music is actually a treatment modality to enhance parasympathetic system (60-80 BPM or less). Say, something like Zen listening to Enya.
• Calm beautiful surroundings, well-kept home, nature walks can all be part of calming experience. Quiet rooms require less volume than noisy settings. We can practice modulating our voice based on the environment while still maintaining a softer tone.

Social Engagement: Social Gatherings are important. Which is why we come together for holidays, reunions, birthdays and other dinner parties with friends and family. Positive energy, being close together in the community and sharing commonality of human experiences is the core essence to fill the soul. We always felt our kids’ school is the best social club in addition to childhood friends that tend to be scattered. Surrounding yourself with your tribe is not only psychologically beneficial, but physiologically regulatory.

Physiological processes:

• Deep and calm breathing versus shallow breathing can help.
• Brief pockets of mindfulness even for two minutes at a time between tasks can be restorative.
• Washing your face with cold water or ice cubes can stimulate vagus nerve. People buy ice bathtubs for the same purpose.
• Physical exercise that leads to improves heart rate variability (a measure of autonomic function) and helps your nervous system become more adaptable to stress.
• Quality sleep is essential for autonomic regulation. Consistent sleep schedules and good sleep habits help maintain proper balance.
• Anti-inflammatory diets rich in antioxidants support autonomic function. Limiting caffeine, alcohol, and processed foods can reduce autonomic dysregulation.

I hope we all can find that natural calm by regulating our nervous system in an artful way.