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Dr Mani Pavuluri Blog

Let’s be Kind

Effective Communication: Four Essential Ingredients

Friends, if there is one essential skill that I use VERY often and is the most critical skill I teach in my practice, it has to be this!

This is not just listening, or being empathic, but much more. It elevates you to hold agency, not be resentful, stay strong, and clear the air every single time. Practice being articulate and convey the message, for, language creates a culture with favorable outcomes (Quoting Will Guidara). Often there are work conflicts or couple conflicts that escalate with unresolved layers of issues. I see that effective communication is mentioned in often read books like “Attached,” but I think the critical elements are not easily visible or brought together exactly what it entails. Hard conversations can be genuine, intentional, and poised with the following key ingredients:

(1) Take the time and space it deserves, no rush. Pause, understand and analyze the situation in an orderly fashion, choosing only the things that matter in your critical judgment. Avoid white noise.
(2) Tone: Use a warm or neutral tone coupled with “facial kindness.”
(3) No blame: During the conversation, essentially have the back of those you are speaking to. We want to use the wise mind and soft landing.
(4) Address the problem- This is the crux- the thoughtful and intelligent portion. Explain all that you want to say in 2-3 sentences or more. Do not mince words. Take the time and space it takes and say all that you want to say in meticulous sentences. Complete your thought process in full.

That way, emotion does not spill. While all communication is personal, you do not make it self-centered, making sure that safety is a priority. I stress that you do not belittle anybody. In the end, if you follow these points, and others still twist the narrative to fit their agenda, it is not your fault. You did your very best. You don’t have to feel like an underdog. You prevail. This is a map for assertive communication tied with inner goodness. Resentment and stress are lowered with high quality conversations. If the above points are untied, the communication may not be as effective. I am very excited for you to use “these strategies bundled together.”

P.S. The point 3 of “No blame” is not as easy as it seems to incorporate into the bundle. So, as a general maintenance strategy in between, you can add “positive vibration.” It looks like this: Expressing thankful feelings at every opportunity. It is akin to nurturing a plant. Each point is like playing a single instrument. It is the symphony we are looking for!

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