Reconcile Everyday with Zero Regrets

During hard times or to arrive at a peaceful clean slate at the end of the day, frustration and stress need to be ideally zero. Reflecting and Reconciling at the end of the day, with a goal to resolve the issues with zero regrets and resetting for the next day would be so cool. A good plug in the process is employing your resentment thermostat– to check if you are bending too much backwards outside your center of gravity. That is where Adlerian Psychology of separation of tasks come in. You may guide yourself to not take on the tasks that are not your role to do so, where there are competing priorities. Mind you, bending is flexibility, leaning in, a sign of your character. Beyond that, some regrets cannot be resolved where you may need to stare at the word “accept” and call it life. But you can fix a lot if you reflect and fine-tune. The following things float in my head as I think of reconciling. Consider that I am just trying to frame the cliches into how it all looks when pulled together in real life. Perhaps, you can cross-check yourself each day. You will figure out by yourself what is overdoing and what might be optimal.

I. Filling your cup:

This is about self care.

A. Physical Health: NEST is the acronym I use here: Nutrition, Exercise, Sleep, Time management. Some people think of S as self care as is skin care, nails or dressing up, but why not! I just think there is more to it. If you manage ‘Time’ well already, think of T as Time for fun.

B. Mental Health: Miguel Ruiz’s four agreements are the very best and paraphrased as follows:
1. Impeccable word: Have a fertile ground to receive positive words and vibes. Embrace imperfection. I add that you can be meticulous or impeccable with your own words to create the circle of influence around you.
2. Do not personalize- Do not take (others’) rubbish
3. Do not assume what’s going on in others’ head- Do not make up stories of (your) rubbish in your mind. Like Danny Meyer in hospitality industry says- ‘Always make a charitable assumption.’
4. Be the best you can be- not more or less. Carry the above three agreements through this agreement. It is music to my years to hear someone say, “I want to be the best version of myself.”

C. Social Health: First I think that there is so much fun and so many things other than work to fill your cup. Your family and friends are your tribe. Make life playful. Make memories. Did you make time? You can’t always address all of these elements in one month may be with competing priorities, but you can accomplish a semblance of balance over a period of 6 months.

II. Fulfilling:

This is about what you put into the world.

My favorite people in life showed me the path for which I am thankful. I am also inspired by Bronnie Ware on regrets of dying. I want to share with you how it looks for me.

1. Being excited about work, an aspect of it, mission of it, and try to excel at it. I like the Ikigai philosophy here where they include financial health to sustain your dreams.

2. Thinking, saying and doing the same thing in synchrony. No compromise. This will help reduce passive aggressive remarks in relationships through sincerity.

3. Showing gratitude in real time, soon after and years later, keeping a longitudinal sense of thankfulness. Saying thanks in the right moment, for all the nuanced things you receive is magical. Are you thanking enough?

4. Helping, not necessarily in soup kitchens or in Africa, but everyday people around you in the family, friends, and community. Reach out. Invite. Call. Check on them. Who needs you among those around you?

5. Go look from the top of the tree to get a broad perspective to see the big picture, to see the love, say how much you love your loved ones, and not get into nitty-gritty, arguing. Simplify. Love hard. At times, I am realizing positive vibes are beyond direct praise sometimes (check yourself if you are patronizing a self assured character, treating like a kid), although in the right context, it is great to be genuinely praised. Another type of positive vibe is to just keeping things easy, simple, upbeat, encouraging and respectful for those around you, lifting others. This, I am finding is so valuable as not everyone is expert at direct love language, but they care a lot. Also, a number of my patients have grievances with parents, but typically most of them want a relationship with them, regardless of difficult ties. Throw the light on something that is good, and invoke compassion. Everyone is different. Everyone is trying hard. Why make it a painful thing for you? Reset. Reboot. All will be well.