Trust vs Filters

The relationship between filters and trust is nuanced and I thought it is good to shine some light on this thought. Trust is about your fundamental belief in someone’s reliability, integrity, and goodwill toward you. When you trust someone, you believe they have your best interests at heart. Trust touches on something deeply human- and there is the tension between trust and discretion after being hurt.

Filters are about discernment in communication. They’re the thoughtful boundaries we establish around what we share, when we share it, and how we express ourselves in different contexts. These filters serve several purposes:

1. Context-appropriate sharing: What’s suitable to share with a therapist differs from what you might share with a coworker, school friend or new acquaintance.
2. Emotional pacing: Filters help us match our level of vulnerability to the established closeness of a relationship, allowing trust to develop naturally. This applies to newly developing relationships.
3. Self-protection: They help us maintain healthy boundaries while still remaining authentic.
4. Social intelligence: Sometimes filters help us navigate different social environments effectively.

Furthermore, there are times when you need much stronger discretion. That is when it is good to keep information to yourself, for example, in these circumstances:

1. Personal boundaries – Information that’s simply yours to hold (personal reflections, spiritual experiences, health matters)
2. Professional confidences – Work-related information you’re obligated to safeguard
3. Third-party secrets – Information others have entrusted to you
4. Safety concerns – Information that could make you vulnerable if widely known

Privacy is about maintaining healthy boundaries; secrecy often carries an unnecessary weight of shame or fear. I believe that the healthiest approach often involves maintaining a baseline trust in humanity while applying appropriate filters. You can believe in people’s general goodness while still recognizing that not everyone has earned access to your most vulnerable thoughts or experiences. This isn’t cynicism—it’s wisdom.

As we reconcile with these thoughts, there’s an important distinction between having no trust at all versus being thoughtful about what you share and with whom. The former can lead to isolation, while the latter is about emotional intelligence and boundaries. I think being naturally trusting while practicing discernment isn’t a contradiction. We can maintain our open nature while also recognizing that different relationships warrant different levels of disclosure. This isn’t about distrust so much as understanding the varying contexts of our connections.

Let’s think of it as applying appropriate filters rather than building walls. With close friends and family, the filter might be quite permeable, while with acquaintances or colleagues, it might be more selective. This doesn’t mean you don’t trust them – just that trust exists on a spectrum and develops over time.

The goal is to be intentional about what you share, with whom, and why. This approach allows you to honor both your beautiful trusting nature and your wisdom about necessary boundaries.