Judging People Vs. Getting the Best from People

Overall, I think we can distinguish between being judgmental and truly understanding others. We can grasp how people become who they are by understanding their circumstances, such as trauma and/or genetics, through discernment. There are many intricate ways to think through this that bring peace. Here are some:

Prudence. Prudence. One idea that struck me deeply from Baltasar Gracián’s The Art of Worldly Wisdom is prudence. We need to employ it more by thinking things through internally before speaking outward. Use our own “inner courts” so we don’t blurt things out.

Passive aggression is rot in the apple. Best to cut it out. Sometimes I see people trying to mold others through steering and manipulation, attempting to fix them by dropping hints. This is passive-aggressive behavior, if not outright attack. It may seem covert enough not to hurt, but it wounds more deeply than direct feedback. Best not to build resentment and instead, choose to be open without hurting. State the obvious in real time. Some folk keep the data they are at odds with in mind without expressing, which might spill out in a passive-aggressive manner, and may roll into talking behind the back without resolving. Additionally, changing and directing people to think like you, insensitively picking at them, is unfair, isn’t it? Bottomline is good intentions and open communication.

Filters. We all agree now that being brutally honest is immature. But, I repeat, a direct approach is better when you really need to say something. Filters are certainly important when you feel raspy.

Let go. Concerning ourselves with others is onerous. Let’s leave people to be who they want to be, unless they’re in a drastically unsafe situation and need rescuing. Lighten up. Don’t get stuck obsessing over those who potentially annoy you through cancel culture. People around us need creative license to be themselves.

Apples and cherries. All that said, we can find something good in each person. I see a talent, a desirable character trait, a skill to learn from or simply observe and admire. Try not to get too deep into overanalyzing. That’s what I call picking apples and cherries. Concern yourself with gaining from people rather than being agitated. It adds value to your life. It brings peace. It releases you from the shackles of examining others’ interior lives, a much easier mission. This is an act of taking agency for yourself. So let’s go pick apples and cherries. Let’s be less resentful. Love more people. That way, we take care of ourselves and build our supportive tribe.