Work Place Relationships

Difficult relationships at work are one of the most common problems. I would roughly group people into three “T” buckets. Mind you, there is a lot of projection, a lack of awareness of complexity in businesses that goes back and forth between individuals in a large system. That said, there are types of people in the broad stroke of how I view beyond naked projections where the people are found to be so by the predecessors and all the people in the Department as in reputation precedes your own experience with these bosses or coworkers.

Transparent. Easy and straight-forward types. Kind and clear in thinking, super communicators, and are not afraid to have tough conversations. But they explain and manage as well as they can. There are inevitable problems to solve in the front office and the back office. But these people have your back, and can bring the best in you to the extent possible.

Tricky. These people have an issue to solve with you, but are not assertive or have the skills to communicate or problem-solve. Emotions trump clear thinking. They are unpredictable. They actually like you as a person sometimes and can even support you momentarily. But on the other side, they get stressed out due to their personal issues, and seethe on the inside. They could be jealous or competitive, or struggle to figure things out or guide you, beating around the bush. It is less about you. You do not know where you stand due to a lack of consistency. That said, it clashes at times due to your idealism that you may want to cross-check as systems can be complex and opaque. Make the charitable assumptions if people are tricky, quoting Danny Myers.

Toxic. I struggle with this word as some spiritual Gurus say there is no such thing as toxic. But mind you, these are people on the extreme end who belittle you, talk behind your back, exclude you from important meetings, and are cut-throat in business or personal communications. They blame you outright and make you the bad guy and are totally unhelpful. They will be destructive and  can be biased. Avoid them.

Where to from here?

1. Self-reflection and take stock.
2. Understand your situation, I recommend writing it all down to achieve clarity- plan the trajectory- stay or go. Let go of stressing over it once you figure it all out.
3. If folk are tricky at work, you either communicate effectively. If it’s impossibly rigid and hard, but you need to stay in the job, try to be flexible. You can zero in on the main mission and purpose of the job and focus on giving, learning, and being super-pragmatic. Your credibility and consistency will trump everything.
4. Problems may be temporary. People move around you. You move. Or you can tune into the hard-headed folk by spending more time trying to understand them.
5. Don’t be sub- servient or cocky. People will treat you like a doormat if you act like an under- dog. No one likes arrogant folk either. You don’t need to be either. Think of the word “gravitas.” Centering yourself, treating others like an equal (fellow human, or even someone you care about a great deal) with respect no matter where you fit in the system. At the end of the day, you need to be helpful to others- as people like to benefit from you. You create a circle of influence.
6. I have seen folk move and find great new work teams. Sometimes it’s not even about the co-workers. You simply may time-out in a job after a while. It is not helpful to think it’s a pattern you are bringing upon yourself.
7. Whatever you do, don’t lose yourself. There is so much more than the work-life itself. You are more than your work. That said, you deserve the best experience at work.
8. Take accountability for your portion, do not feel like a victim, and do the next best thing for yourself. It will amount to the greater good.
9. In the end, it’s your life. Take charge of it like a CEO of your incredible life. Carry a sense of adventure with you.